Dating

[jonamacg83]

LOL. Priceless cartoon. I recommend the Pickup Artist show on TMF in the evenings. Hilarous!

 

Jonny

[G]

here you go, found these for you Dan, maybe give them a whirl

 

I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?

 

Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.

 

I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm looking for an experience.

 

My magical watch says you aren't wearing any underwear!

Oh, you are? It must be an hour fast.

[Jo23]

here you go, found these for you Dan, maybe give them a whirl

 

I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?

 

Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.

 

I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm looking for an experience.

 

My magical watch says you aren't wearing any underwear!

Oh, you are? It must be an hour fast.

 

Please tell me men don't really use those lines. That's why they'll still be without a lady!

'I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm looking for an experience' OMG! Nice women would run a mile! I don't know, maybe i'm old fashioned, whatever happened to just being a gentleman?

 

I like the phone number one though, that would make me laugh

[G]

Please tell me men don't really use those lines. That's why they'll still be without a lady!

'I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm looking for an experience' OMG! Nice women would run a mile! I don't know, maybe i'm old fashioned, whatever happened to just being a gentleman?

 

I like the phone number one though, that would make me laugh

 

 

Ok Dan , scrap number 3, seems the others passed though , i must say i have never used these lines myself and i suspect a hand would engage the side of your face with line number 3 reading it back

[Daniel]

Thanks for all the tips I would like to state that my dating skills are fine as is my situation with women (When Rihanna calls me back it'll be even better!) and my comments on my first post were just something to lead up the cartoon

 

PS - Mark I am NOT going out with you anywhere, I'm still recovering from my last outing with you which cost me £20 odd thousand pounds!

[Matrees]

My magical watch says you aren't wearing any underwear!

Oh, you are? It must be an hour fast.

 

[Daniel]

I'd also like to add the following for the guys here. I'm only sharing my tips with you because I care. Number 19 makes me laugh even if it is so very wrong

 

The Proper Way To Treat A Woman.

 

The rules on how to treat are the following. If you have ideas for more

please feel free to contribute.

 

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will

keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

 

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If

she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really hard until she cries (this will

impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).

 

3. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are

like dogs; they love to be roughed up.

 

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is,

say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show

her you care.

 

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her

fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every

girl needs some improvement.

 

6. Recognize the small things, as they usually mean the most. Then when

she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry

is for pussies.

 

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is,

stare into her eyes, mouth the words "F**K you" and grab the other girl's

ass. Girls love competition.

 

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for mile so she thinks

it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When

she starts to get upset, tell her you were just kidding and now you're

really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts

crying and asks why you would do something like that, lean over and whisper

very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

 

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick." Women love those special

nicknames.

 

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

 

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her our jacket, because

then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't

stop complaining about the cold right now, you're going to be complaining

about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

 

12. Take her to a party. When you get there, she'll have to go to the

bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party

is dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you all night.

 

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick

the pet. I always find stuff like that funny...why shouldn't girls?

 

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10

minutes, then jump up and scream in her ear. Repeat until she goes home and

you can use your arms for more important things (like basketball).

 

15. After you have made love, say "listen toots, put your knickers back on

and go make me a cup of tea".

If she laughs, is not out of the bed within 3 seconds, is not back within

3.5 minutes, or the tea is crap/does not come with decent biscuits (or any

combination of the above) tell her that it's over until she learns to make

better cups of tea; a Woman loves to better herself - give her the chance to

do so.

 

16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give her

self-confidence, then you can never turn her into the object she deep down

desires to be.

 

17. Every time you're in her house, steal one of her shoes, earrings or

anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way,

she'll go crazy.

 

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order, interrupt and

say "no, she's not hungry." Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that

speaks for her.

 

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then punch her in the face. Girls love a

spontaneous guy.

 

20. Give her one of your t-shirts, and make sure it has your smell on it

(but not a sexy cologne smell...a bad smell. You know what I'm talking

about).

 

21. When it's raining, keep asking her if she's crying. She'll say "no, it's

just the rain." Ten minutes later, turn to her and just scream at her to

stop crying. Girls like a tough man.

 

22. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

 

23. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This

way she'll think you're mysterious.

 

24. Remember her birthday, but don't get her anything. Teach her that

material objects arent important. The only thing that's important is that

she keeps you happy, and your happiness is the greatest present she can ever

get.

 

25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just

whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know she's

coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the present

visibly sticking out of the can.

 

26. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise

her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure

that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call that you're going to

tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited, then don't call.

 

27. If you're ever travelling on public transport in a foreign country with

your girlfriend, make sure you stand near the automatic doors. When the

bus/train is at a platform and the doors are about to close, push her off

(if she falls over it's a bonus as she is less likely to be able to re-board

said vehicle). This will leave her stranded in a strange place with no way

of getting home…. What an adventure! And will also teach her to never say

your relationship lacks 'spice' again.

[Jo23]

LMAO!! Number 3 is great.

 

Yes, this was hilarious but WTF!!!!!???? What crazy man would write that? I hope these aren't really your tips Dan!?

[G]

oh no dan you could have started something here.

 

i found # 7 quite amusing

[Greg.g]

Your so right Dan.

 

I will try them all out on Ali this evening....

 

 

Wish me luck

[Laura]

Just take the girl out on the track Dan, make sure her harness is too big for her and she will fall all over you - that is what Miles does

 

On the other hand I suppose you could try some of the chat up lines and see where they get you,

[MilesH]

Just take the girl out on the track Dan, make sure her harness is too big for her and she will fall all over you - that is what Miles does

 

I guessed you must of sussed me out, as the next time you came for a passenger ride you put the seat belt on over the harnesses!!!!!

[Carlylove]

Just take the girl out on the track Dan, make sure her harness is too big for her and she will fall all over you - that is what Miles does

 

On the other hand I suppose you could try some of the chat up lines and see where they get you,

 

Hey it worked for Miles - Miles thanks you Laura

[GCCK]

Your so right Dan.

 

I will try them all out on Ali this evening....

 

Wish me luck

 

 

 

Greg. His headstone will say "he meant well".

[Dr H]

Dr H, what are you trying to say?

 

Just passing on some life experience I've never typed a truer sentence in my life.......